So tell me what can you buy for $1.09? “Not much” would be the typical answer to this question for most people. I can tell you the answer for me is different…at least today. Let’s take a little step back to explain.
A few months ago I stopped writing due to some serious health issues. I’m back…as of today. I did some soul searching during that healing sabbatical. I’ve had enough “tragic events” to last me a lifetime and I started wondering and questioning, “Why me?”, once again …WHY? WHY? WHY? Of course as we all know that barraging yourself with the wrong questions and the wrong attitude will beckon self doubt and his favorite sibling DEPRESSION…and well, “She’s NOT the pretty sister!”, even her name is scarey! (we’ll save those stories for another day as I loathe self pity and frankly I haven’t missed riding that bus for a while).
I have been told I am so strong for having gone through what I did in life. I am here to tell you “No, no I am not”. Life kicked me in the ass a million times and I just happened to remain standing. Call me what you want, (a Weeble maybe? Tee Hee) but strong? Meh… I started writing as a form of therapy, it was very cathartic to say the very least. I find that I write about the happy things that are missing in my life as well as the things that make me who I am. I have also taken a shine to writing about things that make other people look into the mirror and reveal what makes them tick. So I guess my writing can be called “semi-autobiographical” if you will.
I have always been a firm believer that in the face of turmoil, give yourself enough time to grieve and then take look in the mirror and you will always find what you need to fix it.
All of us at one point or another, and sometimes way to often, launch personal assaults on ourselves. In the end we are self defined as “not worthy” or “not capable” which can and will bring out the worst in a person. Even those that tell me they “like” themselves hold the very same types of internal conversations.
Not all is lost though. In the past year while trying to naturally heal myself (no meds and eating the foods that my body gave the thumbs up to) I spent a lot of time looking inward. I went to a few seminars, listened to inspirational cd’s and dvd’s, laughed with family and friends, researched many things on my life’s “to do” list and lo and behold started to heal.
Although this may seem like a story about me and my own personal journey, it is not…its about every one of us that reaches a “decision making cross roads” in life that requires us to look into our hearts, follow our dreams and find recovery for all that ails us. It’s a very personal journey/story that only we can write, for ourselves.
So many look desperately to others for advice when facing difficulty. The problem is, they only have their own experiences (good and bad) to reference and provide feedback on…you already know the answer you need, if you look within.
I took the time to be by myself and really think. I stayed away from situations that dragged me down and left them on the trail of my past wondering what the hell happened and screaming, “Hey she’s not listening to us anymore!”
I am not 100% sure of what’s to come but I do know this, whatever it is I will face it only when when it enters my path, no sooner. I have choices to make and the ones I chose will be the ones that make me happy. Being kind, loving and in service to people? THAT is what makes me happy…THAT is what you will continue to find here in the entries to this blog. A place where you can come, read and know that its a fact we are not perfect and should be accepted anyway. Better yet a place to come and know despite the external influences (even those that are well intended) you have it in you to be better… to be who you are meant to be without question. We are in this together and nothing is by chance.
“Begin to see yourself as a soul with a body rather than a body with a soul.”
― Wayne W. Dyer
SO back to the $1.09…As I stood in the check out at the Whole Foods Market there was an old woman trying to find enough coins in her coin purse to pay for her bottle of water. She was struggling…her hands shaking and a little more than embarrassed when the coins in her small wallet began tumbling to the floor. As the person behind her helped pick them up I told the cashier to add her water onto my order.
You gotta’ love old people, for as quickly as the shaky hands began she stood up firmly and barked “WHY?, WHY are you doing that?” I explained “Well, because I want to…I’ve been making the big guy upstairs angry lately and I was just trying to redeem myself” and cracked a huge grin.
A smile swept her face, a smile of relief that I had not treated her like a shaky old woman that NEEDED the coins to pay for her bottle of water. A smile that told me that she was grateful for my respecting her pride, a smile that told me that she finally knew she wasn’t alone anymore, someone else really cared. Probably the same smile I wore many times in the past while “being strong“. A smile that was well worth the $1.09 I paid for it.
So if you have forgotten in the past few months, the words I want you to always remember…”Treat your family like friends and your friends like family!”
I will be back…love to you all. Kathy